Wednesday, January 11, 2012

2011: The Year In Facebook Status Updates

I thought my friend Jason's status was so funny, I'm reposting it here:

"I'm so pretentious. I made a quick run to Movie Stop to check their used Blu-Ray discs. Clerk: "Be sure to bring in any used movies you have for store credit." Me: "Sorry, I don't buy crap. Everything I own is crucial." :)"
· January 29, 2011 at 12:09pm

Next month I turn 46. Last night I was carded.
· May 20, 2011 at 8:37am

Just overheard in the bar: "It's crawfish, so it's a good's family night, so you gotta watch what you do."
· June 2, 2011 at 7:18pm

I missed the whole thing. I was out on my lunch break, looking for cards to wish my niece and nephew "good luck" this year at college. Then, when I saw our office building was evacuated, I went to a bar for a beer rather than stand around on the sidewalk.

I believe pretty much everything you might need to know about me can be found in this summation of the last hour or so of my life.
· August 23, 2011 at 3:04pm
(This was after an earthquake hit NYC.)

For once, the only people in my neighborhood actually live here. It's kinda nice.
· August 28, 2011 at 2:58pm
(This was after a hurricane bad enough to merit shutting down the entire subway system hit NYC.)

I'm at a bar (surprise!) and I can't escape the shrill argument raging behind me amongst a group of drunk teachers. It's a political argument that's at the level of just calling people "whores" by those who, I'm trying not to judge, don't know a thing about how the world really works.
I miss the days of teachers like my friend Amy or my Dad who just feel asleep when they got drunk.
I miss my dad.
· September 9, 2011 at 7:15pm

Most creative, effective spam mail subject line, which cause me to click on it even though I knew it was most likely spam:
"Mum killed after garlic bread row"
· September 15, 2011 at 10:52am

Quote of the day: "Do I have ink on my face again?"

It's the "again" that makes me laugh.
· September 23, 2011 at 8:38am

Thursday, January 05, 2012

October 14th

I posted the below on Facebook on October 14th of last year. I meant to expand on it here but don't really have anything else to say. Facebook is too ephemeral and this I want to remember.

I found out tonight that my favorite old man bartender from my favorite dive bar retired this past July. He was someone who didn't like anyone so when you gained his trust or at least diminished his contempt, you felt like you had achieved something. He had great stories of what it was like growing up in the midwest in the early / mid-20th century and he made me feel better about getting old. He had a sense of gravitas and dignity that younger bartenders (hell, people for that matter) just don't have.

I'll never see him again, but worst yet, I never got a chance to tell him "thank you."

Wednesday, January 04, 2012

Things To Do Around The House

Two nights ago I was, like the subject of a first year art student's attempt at surrealism or a housewife finally succumbing to the DTs, standing on a chair and vacuuming the ceiling and walls. I was doing this because I was coming down with a cold, obviously. My apartment is in an old building, dating back to the beginning of the 20th century. The ceilings have cracked with some of the plaster has begun snowing down.

This doesn't bother me. It's one of those things that needs to be repaired every two or three years but I'm not in the mood to have repairmen schlepping through my apartment and the damage isn't bad enough yet to force the issue. The building settles, cracks appear in the brick facade, water gets in and saturates my ceiling, voila. It is, however, happening in my bedroom and once I felt a cold coming on I thought it best to remove as much potential irritant as possible. So that's why I was standing on a chair, vacuuming plaster from the room's open sores.

Last night I wanted to use a neti pot to clean out my sinuses. A neti pot is basically a small teapot. Short and stout. Handle. Spout. Unlike a teapot, you put the spout in one nostril, then tilt your head so that the water runs through both sinuses and out your other nostril. It is gross, but it does help when you have a cold. I didn't have a neti pot, but rather than brave the chilly temps and go out and buy one, I decided to make my own. I boiled water in my electric kettle, poured it into a bowl to cool, then transferred it to a measuring cup that has a spout, and was proud of my ingenuity.

Unfortunately, the spout on the measure cup was not designed to be inserted into a nostril (perhaps this is a safety feature). I stopped trying when I realized all I was going to do was end up looking like Jack Nicholson in Chinatown. So I poured the water sort of at my nostril, getting a surprising amount in my nose with much of that making the journey out the other side.

All this and I still found time tonight to break a favorite mug. It's amazing I get anything done.