Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Where I'm From (part II)

One of my favorite stories about my hometown comes from my friend BrianTurner. BrianTurner is one of those people who is invariably known by his first and last name, pronounced as if it is one word. He says that even when he was a child, adults would refer to him this way: "ask BrianTurner if he would like to stay for dinner." BrianTurner now has a radio show on WFMU, a station known for playing esoteric items such as a live recording of an opera singer having a stroke while performing an aria.

Years ago, when he still lived in Wilkes-Barre, BrianTurner was hit by a car. He was trying to cross the highway between two strip malls, and misjudged how quickly the oncoming traffic was moving. He made his way over to the sidewalk, where a prostitute told him "Son, I saw that whole thing. There was nothing you could do. That man was driving crazy and if you moved out of his way, that other car woulda hit you. Now, I called the police and told them to send an ambulance, but I can't stick around...you understand."

In the ambulance, the paramedics were asking BrianTurner the standard questions to make sure he did not have a concussion. "What's your name?" "BrianTurner." "Where do you work?" "Joe Nardone's Gallery of Sound (a local record chain)." "Oh," said the paramedic, suddenly excited. "Is the new Meatloaf record out yet?" "Yeah, it is. We got it in stock yesterday."

So that's what my hometown is like. It's a magical land where the hookers will call an ambulance for you when you need it and the paramedics test for brain injuries by asking about classic rock records.

13 comments:

Julie said...

Well, JohnHanlon, I always test my brain injury patients that way. Hey, are you sure it's all right if TJ comes down this weekend?

Kalli "Pops" Gustav said...

That's so funny, I think I always call him BrianTurner, too... it just has such a melifluous ring to it.

Carol said...

Kind of like "CharlieMurphy" on the Rick James skit on Dave Chapelle.

the hanged man said...

Julie - I thought you tested your brain injury patients by touching them in their "bathing suit area." And yes, of course it's okay if TJ comes down this weekend.

Iva said...

So, how is Brian Turner, anyway? It has been a long time since you mentioned him.
I was going to ask a question re: "the bathing suit area" but I don't think I really want to know.
Love you,
Mom

Julie said...

Well unfortunatly most Wyoming Valley brain injury patients are NOT handsome 20 year olds who've been in motorcycle ( or snowboard, skydiving, etc. ) accidents. Rather they're 90 year olds who tripped on a wrinkle in the carpet and fell down 15 steps. So I'd rather skip the Bad Touch and ask "What year is it? Who's the current president? Which former Beatle came up with the name for Led Zepplin?"

the hanged man said...

"Rather they're 90 year olds who tripped on a wrinkle in the carpet and fell down 15 steps."

I do this and I'm only 40...

"Which former Beatle came up with the name for Led Zepplin?"

I had always heard it was Keith Moon. Oh God, maybe I've had a brain injury...

Miss Tanya said...

I have a bad habit of calling people by either their last names, or their first initial.

Have you spilled anything on yourself lately Hanlon?

k.c. said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
k.c. said...

knipfluous

Julie said...

I had heard it was Ringo. Those drummers are all the same. And taking a fall like that doesn't count if you were drunk.

the hanged man said...

Not drunk. Clumsy.

Julie said...

Oh. I never really thought of you as clumsy