Indulgences Are Back!
Until June 29th of this year, the Vatican is offering indulgences in honor of the 2000th birthday of St. Paul (as opposed to how the Church normally honors St. Paul by having an ambivalent attitude towards women). Unlike the previous indulgences that so upset dreary fussbudget Martin Luther*, you do not have to pay. You simply have to, with sincere heart,
1. make a full confession to a priest (much easier than it was in the days of the Inquisition)
2. pray for the intentions of the pontiff
3. make a pilgrimage to a site dedicated to St. Paul
and you will have some of your time in Purgatory forgiven.
Not a bad deal at all.
*currently residing in Hell.